Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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