I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
