Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
