Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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