You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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