I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
