it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
