I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
