You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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