I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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