I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
