i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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