Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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