okay pat passed out under dana's car
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
