i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
