Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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