There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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