I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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