im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
