dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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