man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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