I can tuck mytits in my pants
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize