U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
