God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
