Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
