just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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