did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
