More tranny stories later!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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