Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
