I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
