Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
