i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I touched a dick in church today
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
