I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
