I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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