you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
