maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
