we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
