shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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