And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
