I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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