Plan B is the new Plan A
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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