I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
