So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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