Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i came on her dog
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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