So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
