If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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