I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
