No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
