its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
