She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
