if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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